Freelancer - The Void

An old guy calls his son:
- Together with your mom, we decided that after 45 years we need to split up.
- But..what's  wrong.....how you...did....
- We just decided, we can't stand each other anymore, and frankly I'm tired of this subject. Please call your sister and tell her too.
The panicked boy  calls his sister and soon the phone from the parents house rings:
- We need to talk, we are on our way!!!
The father hangs the phone and turns to his wife:
- That's settled, they will be home for Christmas. What shall we say to make them come for Easter?

Santa Claus, trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing next to his rig.
Santa asked who he was and the man replied, "I'm from the FAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride right seat."
Santa said, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing this flight for over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go."
As they both climbed into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the FAA inspector brought his shotgun along, his finger on the trigger. "So what's the shotgun for?"
"You're going to lose two on takeoff..."

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Haha...awesome!   =))

[quote="Retribution";p="193704"]For 25 years a man and wife has made love with the lights turned off and in total darkness....

One night in the throws of passion, she thinks Ive had enough of this, and turns on the bedside lamp to see him kneeling with a toy in his hand.

She screams at him ALL THESE YEARS!!!
ALL THESE YEARS AND YOU NEVER MENTIONED YOU WERE IMPOTENT YOU LYING B***RD!!!

The husband says to her, well ill explain the toy when you explain the kids.[/quote]

BOAHAHAHAHAHA , that's the joke of the YEAR lmao - , it's just better than your's strail hehe "kidding".

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa...
Consul l: What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul : Sex?
Arab: Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab: Both male and female and sometimes even camels.
Consul l: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul : Man,... isn't it hostile?
Arab: Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh... dear!
Arab: Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
1) That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive = Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP = Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man = Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim
10) I Thought you were on a diet = Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone = No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week = Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight = Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile = Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive = Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great = Fa Kin Su Pah