Freelancer - The Void

A man books into a hotel and says to the hotel receptionist "I hope the porn in my room is disabled."

The receptionist replies "NO! It's REGULAR porn you sick ba**ard!!!"

=))  =))

For 25 years a man and wife has made love with the lights turned off and in total darkness....

One night in the throws of passion, she thinks Ive had enough of this, and turns on the bedside lamp to see him kneeling with a toy in his hand.

She screams at him ALL THESE YEARS!!!
ALL THESE YEARS AND YOU NEVER MENTIONED YOU WERE IMPOTENT YOU LYING B***RD!!!

The husband says to her, well ill explain the toy when you explain the kids.

Deep in the backwoods, the hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a
lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's
another one coming!"

Sure enough, within minutes he delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern... It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.

The hillbilly scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor,
"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Neph.

Loud screams in the house.
A guy is fighting with his mother-in-low.
The mother-in-low :
-One more word out of you and I'm out of this house!!
The guy:
-TAXI !!!!!!!

A man books into a hotel and says to the hotel receptionist " is it OK if i look round"

The receptionist replies " OK by me you look round to me you fat ba**ard!!!"

Simply funny,most hilarious i must say is Retribution's  =))

News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.
Sry for the last post Neph it was out of bounds

What do accountants do when they get constipated?

They work it out with a pencil.  

ESF coming back to void?

I crack myself up...

Greaver.

A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!"

The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way."

When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth.

"What on earth are you doing?" exclaimed the EMT. "Didn't the 911 operator tell you to wave a piece of cheese over your wife's mouth?"

"Yes," the man replied. "But I gotta get the cat out first."

lqih nice one Strail

News from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that is has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thank to Apple, everyone is now happy.

Amazingly simple home remedies:
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; you'll be afraid to cough.
6. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Brilliant!  =))  =))