A Slight Deviation From The Flight Plan
Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 10:27 pm
The Darkness reached up with warm comforting arms and held him closely. So soft, its embrace… so soothing, its touch… so sweet, its kiss… lingering, tempting him. Come, come with me. I will hold you, come…
Images fleeted through his head. Oddly entertaining images, were they real or imagined? He bit down hard and tried to focus.
He’d had a similar experience once before, he now remembered. The rushing flood of memories threatening to wash him downstream and into their murky depths. He held onto the rocky shore of coherence lest the current take him away. Take him, to where? He didn’t remember it like this, the alluring call, the wonderfulness of it. No, this was as different as it was the same.
He’d been many things in this life. This he knew. And such a life! Waking in that cramped stall. The smell, the confusion. Everything the same, everything different. The tiny ship. The sign… that damned sign. New worlds , and a sense of being again in a place where he knew he couldn’t have possibly been before. The friends. The enemies.
Why was it so much easier to remember the enemies? Could that be what changed him, and put him on the long path to there he was now?
He focused on the friends. Why could he not remember their names? He could barely see their faces.
Except one.
It was this one he went to when the memories returned the first time. Yes, he should find him again.
He moved to rise from where he rested. The Darkness punished him. Severely.
In time he returned. The Darkness comforted him again. Yes, stay with me. Come with me. I will keep you safe and warm.
He closed his eyes and watched the vid screen on the back of his eyelids, watched as the plot played itself out.
There they were. He and his friend stood in front of a shamble of a building, so excited they could barely contain themselves. This was it, and this would be it for a long time. Yes, the memories in that place! Then the journeys and then the Spot. The place where things disappeared. For a time, anyway. One day it came back, all at the smallest push from the most unlikely person. He remembered, he’d cried in that big man’s arms. Like a child.
Tears threatened. How strange that was, so unfamiliar. It ignited a rage inside him, and a shaking. The Darkness slapped him hard, several times, and punished him once more.
When he returned, the names hung in the fetid air before his eyes. His reward for his stubbornness. He smiled at the Darkness, daring her to say anything, as he drew these new images closer and carefully looked them over.
Fracture. And Pit Viper. Yes that was their names. His good friends, they made things so much easier in this new place, helped him to understand the differences. And the similarities.
Then Zeb. Good ol’ Zeb. And the Bar. Yes, that was it, the building, it was a bar. The Hair. He smiled again.
The Darkness, chagrined, stayed at her distance, biding her time. She had plenty of time. Time was her sister, her twin.
Then there was Savage. And Maverick. And Vengeance, and others, now he remembered.
It was as though a breaker had been flipped on a control panel. There it was before him. Clear and as plain as any star in the Void.
Wolf. That was his name. Now he remembered.
He laughed. Then he coughed. Then he spat out another bit of his life and let the Darkness punish him once again.
He was becoming familiar with the cycle. Its rhythm was predictable. When he awoke he knew it would happen again. Somehow, it didn’t matter. He was enjoying the show.
Every time the memories returned, they brought friends. Now they had enough for a party, and a party they had. He watched as Wolf and Maverick fought in the space above New London, as their ships didn’t collide as they came together, as they arrived in that other place.
“I was wondering when you would return.” The Old Guy stood there. Right in front of him. He knew it was absurd, but there he stood with no place for his feet to stand. “I knew you would come back. But where’s your friend?”
“I really can’t say.’
“Why not? Is it a secret?”
“No, I mean I can’t say because I don’t know.”
“Yes you do.”
“Don’t start on me, Old Man. I don’t have the time. “
“Yes you do. Time is your best friend. Like a sister. Only more fun to kiss.” He laughed.
“You’re foul, Old Man.”
“I’m foul, am I? Look at yourself!”
Wolf looked down at himself. He stood in that same plain blank emptiness where he’d stood before. He stood in a fresh jumpsuit, clean-shaven and neat. He looked back at the Old Guy.
“What’s wrong with this?”
“Oh nothing. You look fine. But look at yourself.
He looked. What he saw scared the hell out of him. What he saw was a fast-moving feature-length vidshow and he was the star. And his friend was his co-star. They’d been here, having just received the revelation from some old fart of a man who had just told them Earth not only still existed but that she was waiting for the return of her children.
He remembered how Maverick and he had looked at each other. Then back at the Old Guy. Then back at each other again. Maverick, who had something of a temper, being all taken by the Chaos and all that, began to swear in languages and with words Wolf had never imagined. The things he said conjured images of familiar relationships and anatomically incorrect tasks that made him both grimace and laugh at once.
It wasn’t Maverick’s words that turned the page. It was Wolf’s laughter.
The Old Guy raised his cane… now he knew what that expression meant in the worst terms… and suddenly both Wolf and Maverick were struck mute. Mav’s tirade was stopped in mid-curse and Wolf's laughter in mid-guffaw.
Wolf stared at the Old Guy. But Maverick, no he could not be content with this small token of discipline. He glared. Wolf felt… something… and looked in alarm at his friend.
Maverick looked at the Old Guy deliberately as he puckered his lips and spat on the ground.
The Earth, Gaia, trembled with the rage of the insult. The Old Guy shook even more.
“You dare defile the womb of your birth? You dare spit on your mother? You evil animal! No, worse than animal… the animals have no guilt. They have no rancor. But you, pitiful human being, the pride of your Mother’s family, turned so ugly and selfishly against her and all your brothers and sister! You, foul man! You do not deserve her, and you shall not have her! She was ready to welcome you home, after all your trials, after your long absence, but no! You would spit on her!!
The Earth continued to tremble. The Old Guy advanced on the two men who now cowered. Two tough, strong spacers, trembling before this small old man and his rage.
“No, you shall not have her. Nor shall you have this, which you hold so dear!”
The Old Guy moved his cane again and both Maverick and Wolf felt a small tug from deep inside their psyche. It was like the feeling you have when you pull a thread through your skin, no pain, just a strange pull. Then the Old Guy was holding a small glittering essence in each hand… small softly glowing golden clouds pulsating in his hands.
“I have what you will long for in your deepest darkest dreams. You may glimpse of her in strange hours when you least expect it. She will elude you. Like a lost love, you will both love and hate her. But you will never lose sight of her, and you will never hold her again. Say good bye to your sanity. I give you a hell worse than hell itself. I leave you with just enough of your reason to know and remember what you have lost.”
He raised his hands and a wind came up and took the glowing dust from them. They swirled and glittered and dispersed into the sweet cool air.
“Now be gone. Go to be with those of your own kind. Go and suffer the Madness and await the Darkness. They will be your only friends. Love them as you have loved yourselves, you poor pitiful men.”
The last thing he remembered of that moment was the Old Guy waving that cane of his and the trembling of the earth beneath his feet.
Then he remembered the bitter anger and the rage he had felt since. The others they found, so like themselves. The hatred they felt for these mindless killing fools. Even more for any living soul who had what was taken from them. And the love affair he had formed with death and destruction. An so they took and killed and wanted and hated and lived the living hell that was their payment for their foolishness.
And this, now he remembered, was what brought him to where he was now. In his ship spinning slowly through the cold dark Void, with the air seeping out and his life seeping out with it.
The memories were by far the cruelest thing he could have endured. Not the globules of dark red blood floating around him, not the pain, not seeing the bone protruding from the stump of his sleeve. The memories.
He began to cry.
The Darkness took pity on Manticore, swooped in and rescued him from the torture. She whispered in his ear, took him into her loving arms, eased him gently down and carried him away.
Images fleeted through his head. Oddly entertaining images, were they real or imagined? He bit down hard and tried to focus.
He’d had a similar experience once before, he now remembered. The rushing flood of memories threatening to wash him downstream and into their murky depths. He held onto the rocky shore of coherence lest the current take him away. Take him, to where? He didn’t remember it like this, the alluring call, the wonderfulness of it. No, this was as different as it was the same.
He’d been many things in this life. This he knew. And such a life! Waking in that cramped stall. The smell, the confusion. Everything the same, everything different. The tiny ship. The sign… that damned sign. New worlds , and a sense of being again in a place where he knew he couldn’t have possibly been before. The friends. The enemies.
Why was it so much easier to remember the enemies? Could that be what changed him, and put him on the long path to there he was now?
He focused on the friends. Why could he not remember their names? He could barely see their faces.
Except one.
It was this one he went to when the memories returned the first time. Yes, he should find him again.
He moved to rise from where he rested. The Darkness punished him. Severely.
In time he returned. The Darkness comforted him again. Yes, stay with me. Come with me. I will keep you safe and warm.
He closed his eyes and watched the vid screen on the back of his eyelids, watched as the plot played itself out.
There they were. He and his friend stood in front of a shamble of a building, so excited they could barely contain themselves. This was it, and this would be it for a long time. Yes, the memories in that place! Then the journeys and then the Spot. The place where things disappeared. For a time, anyway. One day it came back, all at the smallest push from the most unlikely person. He remembered, he’d cried in that big man’s arms. Like a child.
Tears threatened. How strange that was, so unfamiliar. It ignited a rage inside him, and a shaking. The Darkness slapped him hard, several times, and punished him once more.
When he returned, the names hung in the fetid air before his eyes. His reward for his stubbornness. He smiled at the Darkness, daring her to say anything, as he drew these new images closer and carefully looked them over.
Fracture. And Pit Viper. Yes that was their names. His good friends, they made things so much easier in this new place, helped him to understand the differences. And the similarities.
Then Zeb. Good ol’ Zeb. And the Bar. Yes, that was it, the building, it was a bar. The Hair. He smiled again.
The Darkness, chagrined, stayed at her distance, biding her time. She had plenty of time. Time was her sister, her twin.
Then there was Savage. And Maverick. And Vengeance, and others, now he remembered.
It was as though a breaker had been flipped on a control panel. There it was before him. Clear and as plain as any star in the Void.
Wolf. That was his name. Now he remembered.
He laughed. Then he coughed. Then he spat out another bit of his life and let the Darkness punish him once again.
He was becoming familiar with the cycle. Its rhythm was predictable. When he awoke he knew it would happen again. Somehow, it didn’t matter. He was enjoying the show.
Every time the memories returned, they brought friends. Now they had enough for a party, and a party they had. He watched as Wolf and Maverick fought in the space above New London, as their ships didn’t collide as they came together, as they arrived in that other place.
“I was wondering when you would return.” The Old Guy stood there. Right in front of him. He knew it was absurd, but there he stood with no place for his feet to stand. “I knew you would come back. But where’s your friend?”
“I really can’t say.’
“Why not? Is it a secret?”
“No, I mean I can’t say because I don’t know.”
“Yes you do.”
“Don’t start on me, Old Man. I don’t have the time. “
“Yes you do. Time is your best friend. Like a sister. Only more fun to kiss.” He laughed.
“You’re foul, Old Man.”
“I’m foul, am I? Look at yourself!”
Wolf looked down at himself. He stood in that same plain blank emptiness where he’d stood before. He stood in a fresh jumpsuit, clean-shaven and neat. He looked back at the Old Guy.
“What’s wrong with this?”
“Oh nothing. You look fine. But look at yourself.
He looked. What he saw scared the hell out of him. What he saw was a fast-moving feature-length vidshow and he was the star. And his friend was his co-star. They’d been here, having just received the revelation from some old fart of a man who had just told them Earth not only still existed but that she was waiting for the return of her children.
He remembered how Maverick and he had looked at each other. Then back at the Old Guy. Then back at each other again. Maverick, who had something of a temper, being all taken by the Chaos and all that, began to swear in languages and with words Wolf had never imagined. The things he said conjured images of familiar relationships and anatomically incorrect tasks that made him both grimace and laugh at once.
It wasn’t Maverick’s words that turned the page. It was Wolf’s laughter.
The Old Guy raised his cane… now he knew what that expression meant in the worst terms… and suddenly both Wolf and Maverick were struck mute. Mav’s tirade was stopped in mid-curse and Wolf's laughter in mid-guffaw.
Wolf stared at the Old Guy. But Maverick, no he could not be content with this small token of discipline. He glared. Wolf felt… something… and looked in alarm at his friend.
Maverick looked at the Old Guy deliberately as he puckered his lips and spat on the ground.
The Earth, Gaia, trembled with the rage of the insult. The Old Guy shook even more.
“You dare defile the womb of your birth? You dare spit on your mother? You evil animal! No, worse than animal… the animals have no guilt. They have no rancor. But you, pitiful human being, the pride of your Mother’s family, turned so ugly and selfishly against her and all your brothers and sister! You, foul man! You do not deserve her, and you shall not have her! She was ready to welcome you home, after all your trials, after your long absence, but no! You would spit on her!!
The Earth continued to tremble. The Old Guy advanced on the two men who now cowered. Two tough, strong spacers, trembling before this small old man and his rage.
“No, you shall not have her. Nor shall you have this, which you hold so dear!”
The Old Guy moved his cane again and both Maverick and Wolf felt a small tug from deep inside their psyche. It was like the feeling you have when you pull a thread through your skin, no pain, just a strange pull. Then the Old Guy was holding a small glittering essence in each hand… small softly glowing golden clouds pulsating in his hands.
“I have what you will long for in your deepest darkest dreams. You may glimpse of her in strange hours when you least expect it. She will elude you. Like a lost love, you will both love and hate her. But you will never lose sight of her, and you will never hold her again. Say good bye to your sanity. I give you a hell worse than hell itself. I leave you with just enough of your reason to know and remember what you have lost.”
He raised his hands and a wind came up and took the glowing dust from them. They swirled and glittered and dispersed into the sweet cool air.
“Now be gone. Go to be with those of your own kind. Go and suffer the Madness and await the Darkness. They will be your only friends. Love them as you have loved yourselves, you poor pitiful men.”
The last thing he remembered of that moment was the Old Guy waving that cane of his and the trembling of the earth beneath his feet.
Then he remembered the bitter anger and the rage he had felt since. The others they found, so like themselves. The hatred they felt for these mindless killing fools. Even more for any living soul who had what was taken from them. And the love affair he had formed with death and destruction. An so they took and killed and wanted and hated and lived the living hell that was their payment for their foolishness.
And this, now he remembered, was what brought him to where he was now. In his ship spinning slowly through the cold dark Void, with the air seeping out and his life seeping out with it.
The memories were by far the cruelest thing he could have endured. Not the globules of dark red blood floating around him, not the pain, not seeing the bone protruding from the stump of his sleeve. The memories.
He began to cry.
The Darkness took pity on Manticore, swooped in and rescued him from the torture. She whispered in his ear, took him into her loving arms, eased him gently down and carried him away.